I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
