Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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