This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
