Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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