No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
