For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
