I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
