At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
