Me too!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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