A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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