I looked at my own cervix.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
