Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
