By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
