You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
