My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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