Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
