i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You made out with two different species that night
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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