Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
