Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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