i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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