fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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