dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
