He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
