You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
