let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
