He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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