i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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