I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
