I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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