I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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