DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Still dying that you shit outside
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
