Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
