maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
