So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
did i just pee glitter
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
