it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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