Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
