Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
