He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
