ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
