Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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