If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The struggles of a small town man whore
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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