I think my vagina is haunted
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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