I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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