My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
