i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
