he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
