nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
