Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I bet he comes in French.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
