I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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