I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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