You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
