So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
