you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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