i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
