Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
