mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
