Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
