You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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