I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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