eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
