Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just threw up on my dentist
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
time to smoke my breakfast
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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