dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
