im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
